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@rw Your Compaq Presario has to be Java compliant, so just unplug the coax cable for your network and it will stop your computer from returning HTTP status code 418 I'm a teapot (other workarounds may be suggested in RFC 7233). The Smartass Coffee Brewer 3000 is too good for teapots, you see.
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@rw You need XMPP to get it to work!!!
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@rw That's the answer I will give everyone who needs help from the technical janitor. XMPP is the solution to all your problems.
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@rw sorry, I meant RFC 2324: https://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc2324